


Three Faces

by theonetheonlyalexthemonarch



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Comedy, Communication, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluffy, Healthy Relationships, Magic, Multi, One Shot Collection, Other, Self-Indulgent, Sporadic Updates, and rumple and belle are okay with them sleeping with other people as long as they are warned, cute shit, i really like belle and rumple okay and i have a mega crush on both of them leave me alone, much poly ship such wow, not chronological, oh and also foul language, or just someone who can feel disphoric, or trans, reader does not always abide by this rule, reader is nb, reader is v v v poly, rumple is insecure, sorry if you're not into that
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-21
Updated: 2017-01-20
Packaged: 2018-09-01 06:01:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8611936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theonetheonlyalexthemonarch/pseuds/theonetheonlyalexthemonarch
Summary: "According to Greek Mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs, and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives searching for their other halves."
Well, who's to say that Zeus didn't split a human with six arms, six legs, and three faces into thirds?
Completely self indulgent poly shipping. Read at your own risk.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Bluh. The first chapter is pretty bad, but I needed and intro so people understood what was happening. Sorry in advance.
> 
> Warnings: foul language and references to nice asses, if that counts as a warning.

The day the Dark One came was not really your best day.

Oh, sure, the kingdom was saved. But also, you got a job.

An unpaid job.

An unpaid, housekeeping job.

If you'd known that that's what he was after, you'd have taken the ogres.

Honestly, the things you did for Belle.

You'd walk to the ends of the earth for her, and she'd do the same for you, but that was only to be expected of a true love. She was lucky to have you. You doubted she would take an unpaid, housekeeping job to protect you.

But you supposed it could be worse.

After all, you and Belle got to share a room (and a bed!) with no judgement, something that was not given to you back in Avonlea. Well, you were together, and her father knew it, but there was this whole elaborate scheme with Gaston and something about a scandal and blah blah blah gender and blah blah blah keep your unnatural relationship hidden and blah blah blah fate of the kingdom and ugh.

Though technically the room (and bed!) you shared was sort of, kind of, maybe a little bit of a dungeon. And yeah, okay, as a royal, you weren't used to that.  
But there was a silver lining.

You were were with the woman you loved, the Dark One wasn't nearly as bad as he liked to pretend he was (with a nice ass and leather pants to boot!), and you finally, finally got to tell Gaston to fuck off.

It was a dream come true, really.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader is feeling dysphoric. Rumple is insecure. Comfort, cuddles, and tickle fights ensue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING! DYSPHORIA! Yeah, I was feeling dysphoric when I wrote this, so if you don't want to think of it, please don't read. I don't want to make anyone feel dysphoric.
> 
> I don't know how to make it any clearer, but the reader is not cisgender. If you don't understand by this chapter, I don't know what to tell you.
> 
> But on a happier note, this chapter is so fluffy that is brings tears to my eyes to just think about it.

"Hey," he said cautiously, with a hint of melancholy. He knew you were upset. Belle had told him. She was better at this, but also busy. You understood.

"Hey," you responded, your voice managing to crack over the single word. You were curled up on the couch, staring at the TV despite the fact that it was off, covered in blankets sniffling occasionally.

"What's wrong?" He moved to sit next to you on the couch. He hoped it was him. Not that he hoped he hurt you, of course, but it would be easiest to deal with if he was at fault. He could just try his best to change. If it was someone else, Belle would get mad at him for killing them.

You gave a watery smile as he pulled you into his lap and wrapped his arms around you.

"Just feelin' a little dysphoric, is all."

"Oh, is that all?" Gold's shoulders sagged with relief. It wasn't his fault. Not only that, but he could fix this.

Your next sniffle was a bit more aggressive than the last.

"Y'know, I'm the only one who's allowed to act like my dysphoria is trivial."

"Oh, no no no, love," he rushed to amend, "I don't mean to--to trivialize it, not at all. It's just something I can fix. That's what I meant."

You scoffed. "Yeah? You got a potion called vodka?"

"No, dearie, I have magic."

"So in other news, water is wet."

Deciding to ignore that comment, he responded, "Yes, well, you're aware that magic can to a great many things?"

"Duh."

You were such a child.

"Including changing a person's appearance?" He continued.

You sighed. "Rumple, that's... that's really sweet, but I don't want to change what I look like to other people, I just want to be... who I am."

"I know that, which is why this isn't a glamour. I can cast a spell that can get you to change genders whenever you want."

You shifted in his arms to look at him, craning your neck around.

"Wait, seriously?"

"Would I lie to you?"

"Yes," came the instant answer.

He rolled his eyes. "Would I lie to you about something this important?"

"Yes," you responded instantly once more.

He thought for a second, thinking how best to rephrase his question so you got the point. Then, "Would I lie to intentionally hurt you?"

"... No..." you muttered, settling back down in his lap and looking at your hands (which were now intertwined with his).

"That answer took a suspicious amount of time as compared to the previous ones," he mock-growled, narrowing his eyes, eliciting a giggle from you.

Now his eyes widened. "And just what are you laughing at?" You giggled harder at his calm tone, but attempted to stifle it as you responded.

"You, you Dark Dummy."

He pulled his hands from yours, pretending to be hurt, making you laugh.

"Oh? You think," he said in a tone similar to the one he used when threatening enemies (but not quite the same-- this one was for teasing), "you think that you can mock the Dark One and come out unscathed?"

You turned your head to look at him once more. Brushing your mouth against his, you whispered, "Oh, I'm sorry, are you the Dark One? I thought you were my pillow." You resumed giggling and pressed your head into his neck as he acted offended.

"Why, in all of my 300 years of being--"

"You are such and old man," you managed tell him between giggles.

He smirked evilly. "Oh, I'll give you something to laugh about."

You pulled your head out from his neck confusedly just in time for him to attack you.

You shrieked with laughter and surprise. Who would have thought that the most evil person in all of Storybrooke initiated tickle wars?

Alas, it was a short battle. Though you were taller, he had the advantage of being in a difficult position to reach and having any upper body strength at all. And, y'know, magic. He had you pinned in no time.

"Rumple- hahaha- Ru- Rumplest--" you gasped out. Tears were in your eyes.

"Sorry, dearie, what was that?"

"Rum- Rumplestil--" The man was evil. He showed absolutely no mercy.

"I have a deal for you. I'll stop if you can say my name without stuttering or shrieking or laughing in between. Deal?"

"N--"

"Excellent!"

There was no mercy until Belle came home.

(Later that night, while Belle and Rumplestiltskin were curled around you [as they did when you needed comfort], Belle was sound asleep, and you were quickly approaching that point, Rumple whispered to what he thought was your unconscious body, "Don't worry sweetheart, I only need a couple more things for the spell, and you'll never feel dysphoric again."

You smiled and wiggled contently in your Gold sandwich. He really did care about you and Belle, despite his unwillingness to show it.

With those comforting thoughts, you drifted off to sleep.)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Belle jumps to conclusions and Reader is the glue that holds the relationship together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All dialogue, cute as hell.

"Belle, what are we doing here?"  


"Divorcing Rumple."  


"I- Okay, I'm not going to ask why, however I will point out that A) you're the only actually married to him, I'm kind of secret, and B) Dammit, Jim, Archie is a therapist, not a divorce lawyer! Shouldn't we be going to, y'know, an actual law firm?"  


"Well, we're preparing ourselves for divorcing Rumple."  


"By going to what is most likely couple's therapy?"  


"Yes."  


"..."  


"... "  


"...Wait, no, Belle, hang on, what did he do this time?"  


"Don't block the door!"  


"I will go full Les Mis and barricade it while singing 'Do You Hear the People Sing' at the top of my lungs."  


"..."  


"I will!"  


"..."  


"What did he do this time? You know I love gossip."  


"..."  


"I guess I'll have to start grabbing chairs..."  


"Wait! Wait. Okay. It's just... what you said earlier."  


"I said a lot of things earlier. You'll have to define 'earlier,' too, if you want a proper answer."  


"You know what I mean. With the two points."  


"... You're taking me to couple's therapy and divorcing your husband because I make cheesy Star Trek references?"  


"I'm not actually divorcing him."  


"You're taking me to couple's therapy and being mad at your husband because I make cheesy Star Trek references?"  


"No, no, the- the other thing. About you being a secret."  


"..."  


"..."  


"......?"  


"Hmph, I-- look, I just don't think it's fair that I get to walk around town holding Rumple's hand and you don't. Or my hand for that matter. We were together first, we should be able to walk around, happy, without being discreet about it. I love you, and I don't think I should have to hide that for the sake of propriety."  


"..."  


"..."  


"So, tell me again why we're divorcing Rumple? So you can hold my hand? That's not exactly fair to him, he won't be able to hold either of ours."  


"No, of course not, I just-- I just want us all to be happy and together and out about it."  


"And Rumplestiltskin wants me to stay a secret?"  


"Yes."  


"..."  


"..."  


"Belle."  


"Probably."  


"..."  


"..."  


"Belle, did you ask him?"  


"...yes?"  


"..."  


"Hey! Are- are you laughing at me? Stop it! It's not funny!"  


"Oh my god! Haha! You- ha- you guys have the worst communication skills I've ever seen!"  


"..."  


"I'm sorry, your indignant face is not going to change anything! This is ridiculous!"  


"..."  


"Okay, okay. I'm good."  


"..."  


"Oh, come on, darling. You two really should talk some more. Both of you are really bad with jumping to conclusions."  


"..."  


"How about this, we go to his shop and we talk to him. If he does actually want me to stay secret, we'll work out a compromise. But until then, let's just stay calm, alright?"  


"... Fine."  


"Jesus, you guys always get mad at each other for the stupidest reasons, last week it was the flowers, now this. And before that, you guys were mad at me for no reason!"  


"Um, excuse you, we had a reason. That was the flagpole incident."  


"Like I said, no reason."  


"It was on fire."  


"So?"  


"How did you even manage to fit an entire flagpole up--"  


"Oh, would you look at the time! Rumple is going to be opening his shop soon, better head over there."  


"Right."  


"My darling Belle, was that sarcasm?"  


"Nope, not at all."  


"..."  


"..."  


"... Hey Belle?"  


"Yes?"  


"Thanks for defending me, even though you didn't need to."  


"It was my pleasure."  


"I love you."  


"I love you, too."


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader gets a hobby and Mr Gold needs one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I literally just found this saved on my phone. It's been there for months, apparently. I have no recollection of writing this, but it's definitely my shitty writing. I haven't updated in a while so here.
> 
> I'm on mobile right now so if things look weird I promise I'll fix it later.
> 
> There's a sex mention that I used in a joke, and another mention of nice asses, if those count as warnings.

       Gold narrowed his eyes at you through the shop window. This was ridiculous. Surely, surely you couldn't be doing what he thought you were doing. Well, he thought you were conversing with Ruby, but she seemed to be dressed normally. You-- you were the odd person out and he could not believe his eyes.

    "Gold! Are you listening to me?" Why was the savior still in his shop? Hadn't she left 10 minutes ago?

     "Not particularly, no," he answered honestly and continued to stare at you.

    "Gold! I was-- what are you even staring at?" She asked, irritated. Upon realizing that he was staring at you YET AGAIN, she sighed.

    "What is so interesting about your datefriend?" She groaned out, leaning her arms against against the glass counter and bowing her head.

     Not looking away from you and narrowing his eyes further as you waved to Ruby while she walked away, he replied, "I swear they're  a masochist."

       Emma snapped her head up with a sort of look of shocked disgust. She opened and closed her mouth a couple of times, completely unable to think of a reply for a few seconds.

      "That's- I- that's-that's something I never needed to know, thanks. I don't think I'll be able to ever get that mental image out of my head now."

       Rumple finally looked at her, surprised. "What? No! Well, that too, I suppose, but that's not what I was talking about."

     "Tell me, what were you talking about? I'd like that mental image out of my head." Rumple rolled his eyes but eventually they settled back on your form. You were stretching a bit.

     "Look at them. Do you know what they're about to do?"

      Emma looked over her shoulder at you. "Um, let's see, athletic stretch pants, sports bra, tank top of a flimsy sort of material, sneakers, iPod. They're clearly going running. What's the big deal?"

      Gold wrinkled his nose and responded, "'What's the big deal?' Well, Miss Swan, the problem is that they're voluntarily going running. They like to. Who enjoys running?"

     "Your datefriend, apparently."

     "You clearly don't understand, Miss Swan."

     "No, I don't," she said, rolling her eyes. "They've found a hobby, they're getting exercise. Good for them. I don't get why you're so worried."

      "They swim, too! That's why I'm worried! Why are they exercising so much?" Gold said, eyes wide and on her, as though begging her to understand.

      "I don't know," She answered, shrugging. "Maybe they just want to get in shape."

     "But why? Do they think they need to? Have Belle and I not been supportive enough of them? We love their squishy parts, we really do, they're so soft and nice to use as a pillow."

     "Gold," Emma said, cutting off his ramble. "You need to chill. They're probably doing it because it's a good release, especially if they're stressed. And before you start freaking out over what they could be stressed about, they have anxiety. It's probably everything. Let them work this out by themself." She paused until she saw him relax. "Jeez, you'd think the Dark One could solve his own damn problems."

     The man in question rolled his eyes. "Yes, well, I'm called 'the Dark One' or 'Crocodile' or 'foul imp.' Those don't exactly sound like names of someone helpful. 'The Savior,' on the other hand..."

       Emma snorted. "Yeah, yeah. I got it. Now will you help me find a present for Mary Margaret?"

       The two went through several options, ranging from necklaces to swords. In the end, she settled on an umbrella with a knife hidden in the handle. While Gold was ringing it up for her, he smirked suddenly. Emma narrowed her eyes.

       "What? This isn't cursed or something, is it?"

        He chuckled in response. Emma started to panic.

       "What?" She repeated frantically, eyes widening.

       "No, it's not cursed. I was just thinking about the one good thing that comes from my datefriend taking up running," he said, smirk growing wicked. Emma glared at him.

       "If you say that their ass looks great in running shorts, I'm leaving the shop. I'll find another present for my Mom."

        Gold was silent. Emma sighed with relief, watching him box and wrap the umbrella. She handed him the money as he handed her the gift. It wasn't until she was reaching for the door that he spoke up.

       "Oh, and Miss Swan?"

       She looked back at him. He grinned evilly.

       "It's because their ass looks great in running shorts."

       "God dammit!"

**Author's Note:**

> There. I promise, promise, promise that the next chapter will be better. This was very short and very bad, but like I said, I needed an intro and I looked over this like ten times and I couldn't look at it any more and I had to put it up before I cried.


End file.
